Monday, March 9, 2015

The Behind the Scenes of our Marriage

Many bloggers and writers of the great internet have written time and time again about important things every marriage should include, such as being best friends and having good communication. These are certainly valuable posts with suggestions that are incredibly important. You simply can't have wonderfully functioning marriage without good communication. However, these are all over arching aspects of marriage. Every marriage includes them, or should, but it looks different in every marriage.

So today, I thought I'd share a little bit about what makes our marriage tick day to day. Ways that we incorporate communication, things we celebrate, and just the general things we do for our marriage. Like I mentioned before, every marriage is different, this is just what we do.

We stay in constant communication throughout the day. Most of what we talk about is not very important but when the work loads are high during the day, or there is something fun going on in the office, it's nice to always be able to share with one another. Sometimes our conversations are as "boring" as chatting about how ready we are for lunch! It's not so much about what we are talking about as much that we're talking. Best friends are always talking. This happens either through Skype or through Google Hangouts. Thankfully, both of our offices allow us to use these programs as we work.

Sometimes Kevin has to work night shifts. When that happens we have a running email that we use. We entitled these, marriage letters. Since one of us is sleeping when the other is working we use this email as our replacement for Skype. We'll write out things that we normally would have shared in chat.

Thank goodness for technology.

We celebrate every month of marriage. This began when we were dating. After my relationship, where we hardly even celebrated one year without teeth pulling, I expressed to Kevin that I wanted to celebrate every month, and so we did. It looks different month to month. Sometimes, it's simply eating a long dinner at the table, or watching a movie at home, or sometimes it's a full on date night. Every month though, Kevin writes me a letter. It comes to me on a square paper. On the front is a sweet note, and on the back is a part of our love story. Every letter continues the story.

We pray together every week, or at least we try to. Now, we pray together every day before meals or bed, but we spend special time in prayer  once a week, usually on Wednesdays, where we write our prayers/praises in our prayer journal. The format of our prayer journal has changed over time. Currently, we have it split into three sections: "for others," "for us," and "thanks/praises." It's at this time that we go through a few questions to ask each other as derived from Today's Letters blog.

We take initiative to surprise each other. This isn't set into a rhythm like much of the above is but it's begun to take a fairly consistent pattern. I'll whip up Kevin's favorite cupcakes, he'll surprise me by doing the dishes, etc. It's usually small, but it's something to just remind one another how much we care and appreciate each other.

We set monthly date nights. Some do weekly, but monthly seems to be the best fit for us. Date nights are reserved time for just the two of us. We've tried several different types from movies to put-put and even just a picked-up pizza and redbox movie. We've been planning a Shark Tank themed date night. We want to go and find as many of the food items that have been on the show as possible and try them all.

We reserve Sundays. It's been mentioned before, but Kevin works Wednesdays through Saturdays. I work your normal Mondays through Fridays. As a result, we only have Sundays off together. We've made it a priority to get chores/errands for the home and for us done on the days we are not together. For me, that's Saturdays and for Kevin it's Mondays and Tuesdays, That means no laundry, no grocery shopping, no cleaning the bathrooms on Sundays. Sundays are our days to sleep in, attend church together, and play or relax together. It's our family day, as we like to call it, and while it is our favorite day. It's also Paisley's favorite day.

We cuddle every day. I was never a physical touch person before Kevin and I started dating. Now I long for his hugs at the end of every work day. We set our alarms for ten minutes prior to the time we need to wake up. When the alarm goes off, we hit snooze and cuddle for those ten minutes until the alarm goes off again. Then, our day begins and we set off to do our work out or take a run with Paisley.

We do projects together. This is really up my alley much more than Kevin's but over time he's come to really enjoy our projects. He's mostly been loving working with tools out in the garage. Most recently, we built a shelf that hangs from the wall and sits right behind our sofa. Some of our projects are smaller like making a yearly thanks binder or hanging pictures.

We serve each other. We play with each other. We create with each other. We work out with each other. We sing together. We worship with one another. We explore together.

We love one another, like Christ loves us.

Our marriage isn't perfect. We are learning and growing daily, but there are some things we've learned that work for us. What do you and your husband do? I'd love to make a blog post filled with your responses.

*Pictures from our vacation last year to Virginia


  1. You have some great ideas! It's hard for us to communicate all day, but I love days when Malcolm and I are alone at home, our little English Island as I call it, and we can just spend time together. Our evenings are usually quite busy or Malcolm comes home late, but that's what weekends are for!

  2. sounds like you guys have such a phenomenal relationship! love this!

  3. This is so sweet!! With our jobs it's hard for my husband and I to talk all day, but we usually text each other a few times and have major convos when we get home to catch up on the day! And date nights are so important! You guys are adorable!


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