There have been times in my life that I have greatly struggled with anxiety. I first recognized it in the sixth grade. Every time we'd drive up to school, I'd get knots in my stomach. Through different seasons of life that knot has returned, and caught itself in my throat, or made my head spin. I know I'm not alone in this and I know this feeling is not something that the Lord sets in me. This is a result of trusting in my own self. This is the result of worry. This is the result of allowing the enemy to play with my mind.
The last month has been a season like this for me. Finding myself in these fits of anxiety and praying through them. Sometimes I feel like I'm having to shout over the fits.
Over the last year, I've made it a habit to pray aloud in my car on the way to work. Have you ever noticed praying out loud sometimes makes it more real or more powerful? Lately, that praying aloud has been actually LOUD and very, very bold. I've been commanding God's Word in my life. I've been commanding His power and reign over me, daily. When I say commanding, I mean shouting His truths over me, literally. The louder they are, the more boldly I state them, the more I feel them taking root.
I've noticed anxiety is at it's greatest height when there is a rather large unknown before me and when I have very little that I can actually do to contribute to making that unknown, known. So yes. in other words, when I have little control I am incredibly anxious. Surprised? It's true, I'm generally a type-a, planner.
Every time Kevin and I have gone through a season like this, I've seen God work in our hearts individually. I love this part of marriage. When I'm swimming in anxiety, Kevin has an incredible surge of peace, a peace so profoundly quiet that we both know it comes only from the King of Peace, our sweet Savior, our heavenly Father, our God.
And this is exactly where we are currently. I'm praying desperately for the peace of God to overwhelm my heart, as it has Kevin's. I'm praying for Him to work the miraculous for us in a great opportunity, I'm praying for Him to prepare my heart for the path our life might take. I'm praying that through all of this I might make His name great. That this opportunity wouldn't be about Kevin and I, but rather that it would create a glorious eruption, a miraculous, an amazing love story that we could share.
Bottom line, I want the way I handle this opportunity to bring glory and fame to my Jesus. No matter the outcome, He is still King and He is still reigning in my heart.
I've shared this opportunity with so many people in our life, asking for their prayer and you know how each has responded? Trust your Jesus to do the miraculous! My heart has been in the wrong place. I need to truly example what a heart that trusts Jesus looks like. Anxiety doesn't reign in a heart that trust our Lord.
So how do I set my heart in the right place? Shouting His truths over myself in the car ride. Repeating His scripture over and over again in my head. Staying in continual prayer with my Jesus. That's how.
On Sunday the pastor shared with us the following verse and the worship set really set my heart in place.
And let the peace. soul harmony which comes, from Christ rule, act as umpire continually, in your hearts, deciding and settling with finality all questions that arise in your minds, in that peaceful state, to which, as member's Christ's one body you were also called to live. And be thankful, appreciative, giving praise to God always.
Colossians 3:15 (AMP)
"God whatever comes my way I will trust you...in your everlasting arms. all the pieces of my life from beginning to the end...you work everything for good...God whatever comes my way, I will trust you" -Sovereign (Chris Tomlin, listen here)
I will not let the enemy steal my joy. I will not let the enemy steal my peace. I will not let the enemy get my spirits down. I trust in the greatest and only God. I trust in a God that promises peace.
My God says:
When I act, who can reverse it?! - Isaiah 43:13
Forget the former things, do not dwell on the past. See I am doing a NEW THING! Now it springs up, do you see it?! - Isaiah 43:18-19
I took you from the ends of the earth. from it's farthest corners, I called you. I said. 'you are my servant'; I have chosen you and have not rejected you. So do not fear, for I am with you; and do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, and help you. I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. -Isaiah 41:9-10
The grass withers and the flowers fall but the Word of God stands forever. - Isaiah 40:8
I'm singing this line boldly today:
"This mountain that is in front of me, will be thrown into the midst of the sea...it is well...so let go my soul, and trust in Him, the waves and wind still know His Name" It is Well (listen here)
All of this to say, if you would, friends, please lift us up in prayer today. Pray for a miraculous working of God today. Pray for my heart to rest in His peace. Pray that His will be done.
Ever found yourself in this place?
How can I be praying for you?